From the mind of a choas freak

"You know if he ever hurts you or cheats on you I'll kill him" I said seriously, and all she did was laugh...laugh!
"Oh you can be so melodromadic, nothing like that is ever going to happen!"

"but if it did do I have your permission to kill him, to beat him over the head with a baseball bat and chop him up piece by piece and dip the bits into acid to cover up the
evdience?" she stares blankly back at me....maybe I said to much. "Yes, ok if you feel the need to, I would be completely ok with it. There are you happy?" A big smile slowly spreads across my face, "Yes" I say simply, now I know that she will never be mad at me if she ever finds out the truth. "So have you heard from him?" " Funny that you should mention that, I havent
heard from him in a couple of days, its weird cause he always sends me texts."

I get up to go to the bathroom and while im in there I pull out his cell phone and send a text to her cell phone saying im sorry and I cant do this any more, I'm leaving you and you will
never see me again don't bother texting me back. There I say to myself that should take care of that. I walk back to where we were sitting at and she has the most odd look on her face. "What is it? the world couldn't of ended in the time it took me to go to the bathroom."
I joked and she looked at me and said nothing and handed me her cell phone. I took it and read what I already knew was there. Feining shock and suprise I say "Oh my god! I can't believe he said that!!" "What the heck do I say to that?" she numbly states. She puts her head in her hands.
I put my hand on her shoulder, "Look on the bright side I can now kill him if you want me to." I say with a devilish look on my face. Then she gave me that look of hers that made me feel like crap. "Thats not funny." I look back at her slightly confused,"but you said, you promised...that I could... The basterd hurt you I have all right to rip him a part!!" with a deep breath she begins "Just because he hurt me doesnt give you the right to go and take another's life," she pause and looks at me with an akward grin, "wait why am I even have this conversation with you its not like you'd actually go all willy nilly and kill him." she chuckles to herself. My mind begins to race and just then as if fate intervened to keep me from saying something stupid the cell phone begins to vibrate."Aren't you going to answer that?" she says with a simple look that made my heart stop because it is was his phone. She looks at my purse and reaches for it while saying," seriously just answer it." I quickly pick up the purse, reach in press the side button on his phone to slience it,and then pick up mine and say,"hello, hello...? Huh they hung up, damn telemarkters." I hang up the phone take a deep breath and put it back in my bag. That was close, too close. I can't carry his phone around with me anymore, but I can't leave it at the house because there would be that off chance that she would stumble across it. Where should I put it? "Well your lost in thought. Whatcha thinking about?" She askes with a smile interupting my thoughts." Well arent you chipper for someone who just lost their boyfriend." I snap. "I...I..." she looks down guiltily. She looks back up and states, "Nice...just nice." She gets up angerly graps her purse and leaves. Whew! Dodged the bullet there but great now all I managed to do is piss her off. What the hell am I going to do now. I wasn't expecting it to turn out this way.

Mom

Such Warmth
Such Compassion
As I have always known
She's holding me tight
Telling me everythings going to be alright
As I look up
Into that beautiful angelic face
Remembering all that I have known
All The memories that now flow
As I wander into the great unknown
She's there silently holding my hand
As I stand alone
But I am never truly alone
With her at my side
I can do everything
Believe in anything
Trust in myself
She has taught me well
All I have
Is because of her
And her great belief in me
I now know that I can conqure anything.

My life

So tired I am
The headache that is always there
The pain that never leaves
Alone I always am
I tire of it I almost cant live without it
As I wander through these dense forest trees
Looking for a way out
Wishing to see the sun, the light
So I might once walk again without these shadows
The burden that I must carry,
I long to be without
Free me from this never-ending saga
Free me from this life that holds me tight
I long to soar with the birds and swim with the dolphins
All day and every night
So you might see me once again with all this inner light
That I know is inside me.

The Asylum

I woke up in a ditch this morning


trying hard not to see downside of this


The pain, throbbing in my head


Feels like its splitting into two


more pieces keep ripping off of myself drowing into a cup of


never-ending sorrows.


Closing my eyes, wishing this was all a dream


The thunder crackes above, lightening rooting me to the spot


No more I scream!!


No I am not going to take this anymore


My shouts die on the wind


carrys my voice away....I open my eyes and look around


I'm in my room, it was all just a dream


It was never real


The nurse is knocking at my door....

My Serenity

Calming waters
Wash over me,
Cover me, Soothe me
I am standing at the edge of heaven
My place where dreams and memories are free
I feel the earth move beneth my feet
I see the weight of the world in a single grain of sand.
My whole existance stops
My breath comes out in gasps
I am awed into silence.
I am Free.

?

Dripping heavens, hanging low
Stars collide painting footprints in my mind.
My listless dreaming, meandering through time
Waning light and strawberry sunrise.
Pounding drums, heated hips
Mesh of my two worlds
Slipping into thy abyss
Tainted loves desire breeds
Burning into the silence our trysted needs.
Captured moments, a forgotten past
Spanning lifetimes ago
Thru the looking glass.
Never more than once it came
Memories slipping denial in vain.
In the black, hear my cries
Midnight tolls for you and I.
As it were now is gone
My two worlds now is one.
Doning the facade
You will never know
The pain I have endured, it is all for show.